Using Touch for Grief Management

By Valerie Carsey

Massage, specifically Swedish (also commonly called “Relaxation”) Massage, is well known for its ability to calm the sympathetic nervous system and activate the parasympathetic nervous system, inducing a state of relaxation. However, what is less commonly known is how touch can also be both grounding and soothing during times of heightened stress or grief.

Suicide Prevention and Crisis Lifelines

I would first like to preface this by noting that if you are feeling suicidal or are in crisis, please reach out to your therapist or one of the following national resources. This article is informational, based on my analysis of research and personal experience, and is not a substitute for talk therapy and medication management for mental health care.

• Dial 988 – Suicide and Crisis Lifeline – https://988lifeline.org

• Dial 988 and press 1 – Veterans Crisis Line – https://www.veteranscrisisline.net

• Text “HOME” to 741741 – Crisis Text Line – https://www.crisistextline.org

The Psychology of Grief: The Five Stages of Grief

Grief is most commonly associated with a death in one’s life. But grief can also stem from the loss or change of a relationship, or the loss of how your body functioned before an injury, accident, or surgery.

The most commonly identified stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. A person may not move through these stages in order and may cycle back and forth between them.

·      Denial: may feel like shock upon hearing the news of the death, the desire to avoid the topic in conversation, or an inability to accept that the person is truly gone.

·       Anger: often comes with blame — blaming the person for leaving, blaming doctors or medical workers for not doing enough, blaming God or a higher power, or simply feeling short-tempered with little patience.

·      Bargaining: brings a sense of hopelessness and feeling overwhelmed. Thoughts may begin with “if only” statements or pleas to a higher power to somehow return the person to you.

·      Depression: is a deeper feeling of sadness and hopelessness, which may include loss of interest in activities normally enjoyed, changes in sleep patterns, weight changes, lethargy, restlessness, guilt, feelings of worthlessness, and difficulty concentrating.

·      Acceptance: is when you finally accept the reality of the loss and can begin returning to activities you previously enjoyed.

The Neurobiology of Grief

During grief, preliminary findings show neural activity that deviates from typical patterns in brain regions linked to:

·      Reward Processing (activated in the nucleus accumbens) — interpreted as painful yearning and a craving-like response toward the deceased

·      Emotional Regulation (activated in the anterior cingulate cortex)

·      Autobiographical Memory (activated in the posterior cingulate cortex) — including processing, automatic motor responses, autonomic regulation, mental processing, and visual imagery

·      Reminders of the Deceased

Additional research findings include:

·      A prolonged grief diagnoses may co-exist with major depressive disorder and PTSD.

·      Upon separation from the departed, physiological changes may occur, such as an increase in cortisol or corticosterone (stress hormones).

·      In voles, neural and transcription changes occur in the brain over time during the grieving process.

·       Parents who lost their only child showed decreased left hippocampus volume. Those who experienced loss — including both bereavement and breakups — were found to have a larger amygdala, larger nucleus accumbens (in men), and a smaller hippocampus.

·      Higher resting-state functional connectivity was associated with fewer symptoms of prolonged grief.

·      A neural pattern of activation in the insula, basal ganglia, and orbitofrontal cortex corresponded to thoughts about the deceased across multiple modalities. When a decoder was trained on fMRI data to target processes related to thoughts of the deceased, it was able to predict corresponding brain activity patterns on a separate dataset.

The Physical Attributes of Grief

Studies have shown that an untimely death (before the age of 55) versus a death that occurs at the end of a long life (after the age of 80) is experienced with greater emotional and physical intensity. Common physical symptoms during the grieving process include:

·      Fatigue and tiredness

·      Changes in sleep habits: oversleeping, restlessness, or insomnia

·      Changes in appetite, stomach upset, or digestive issues

·      Grief hallucinations — sensory experiences in which you may seem to see, hear, smell, or feel the presence of the deceased

·       An increase in stress response, which may include elevated heart rate, rapid or shallow breathing, or excessive sweating

·      Elevated blood pressure

·      A weakened immune system

CranioSacral Therapy and Neuro-Lymphatic Drainage

I find that CranioSacral Therapy is my go-to technique for grounding when emotions feel overwhelming. These sessions tend to “go deeper” emotionally.

Many of the techniques used in Neuro-Lymphatic Drainage and CranioSacral Therapy overlap. One could argue that by placing the hands on the body, the light compression hold promotes lymphatic circulation. When working with the head from a Neuro-Lymphatic perspective, the practitioner clears cellular debris. From a CranioSacral perspective, the practitioner addresses fascial restrictions. Others may describe this as “energy work.”

Regardless of your philosophy, holding the tissues and allowing them to complete their “unwinding patterns” — which may feel like a release of heat, a light pulse, or a micro-spasm — consistently yields positive results. I often begin with a hold at the base of the skull and the tailbone to “balance the nervous system.” Clients who receive CranioSacral work often leave feeling more clear-headed and better equipped to navigate their grief.

Emoting and SomatoEmotional Release Work

I strive to create a safe, comfortable environment where the client feels free to emote as needed. Emoting is an emotional release that occurs on the table — for example, tears that arise without a specific identifiable cause. This happens because emotion is held in our tissues following trauma, whether physical or emotional.

SomatoEmotional Release combines CranioSacral hands-on technique with active imagination and visualization work, drawing on the concept that the body’s tissues retaining the memory of trauma. *Note: I always recommend that clients have a talk therapist available to discuss these sessions. I do not recommend this technique at the beginning of the grieving process.

Swedish Massage

Swedish Massage is often thought of as the classic “Relaxation Massage.” If you are looking for a way to simply unwind and recharge, this is an excellent option. The long strokes of effleurage are effective at calming the sympathetic nervous system.

Additional benefits of Swedish Massage include:

·      Increased circulation and blood flow

·      Decreased inflammation

·       Improved immunity through stimulation of the lymphatic system

Manual Lymphatic Drainage

Manual Lymphatic Drainage is a technique with both relaxing and analgesic effects. Its primary purpose is to clear excess fluids from the tissues so they can be reabsorbed and processed by the body. Because it helps clear cellular debris and transport immune cells that fight infection, it can be particularly beneficial when the immune system is weakened by grief.

In Conclusion

Grief is a deeply personal and often difficult process that takes time. Studies consistently show the importance of a strong support network throughout the journey. I am happy to be one of your resources and to help ease that burden, whether it is a CranioSacral session, Swedish Massage session, Manual Lymphatic Drainage session or a session blending a combination of these techniques. Be well.

References

·      December 12, 2023 — Jennifer Fisher, MMSc, PA-C. Harvard Health Publishing. “5 Stages of Grief: Coping with the Loss of a Loved One.” https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/5-stages-of-grief-coping-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one

·       2024 — Matthew Ratcliffe. Oxford Academic, Neuroscience of Consciousness, Volume 2024, Issue 1. “The nature of grief: implications for the neurobiology of emotion.” https://academic.oup.com/nc/article/2024/1/niae041/7929776?login=false

·      December 26, 2025 — Science News Today. “The Neuroscience of Grief: How the Brain Processes Loss Over Time.” https://www.sciencenewstoday.org/the-neuroscience-of-grief-how-the-brain-processes-loss-over-time

·      Kim Mills & Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD. American Psychological Association, Episode 184. “Speaking of Psychology: How Grieving Changes the Brain.” https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/grieving-changes-brain

·      December 25, 2023 — Joseph S. Goveas & Mary-Frances O’Connor. National Library of Medicine, Am J Geriatr Psychiatry, 32(5):535–538. “Prolonged Grief Disorder: Unveiling Neurobiological Mechanisms for Shared Path Forward.” https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11809778/

·      March 14, 2025 — Crystal L. Retain & Nora P. Reilly. Sage Journals, Volume 34, Issue 2. “The Physical Side of Grief: Physical Symptoms in Bereavement.” https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/10541373251323206

·       December 20, 2022 — Nicole Washington, DO, MPH & Mary West. Medical News Today. “The Physical Symptoms of Grief and Loss.” https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/the-physical-symptoms-of-grief-and-loss

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